my eye feels like this; my head sounds like that

I decided that I should blog about my chronic migraines, but since I've had a chronic migraine for the last 12 or so days, it took me awhile to blog about it. In fact, between my birthday, teaching a couple of classes for Thomas last Friday (since he was at the critical theory roundtable in NYC), and the 12 day migraine, I haven't been keeping this blog current. But in the face of adversity, I decided to buck up and throw down a few disjointed thoughts:

so if you can imagine taking the first three fingers of your right hand, slipping them behind your right eyeball, and ever so forcefully prying said eyeball from its resident socket, you would have some idea of the nagging pain that I've been experiencing for the last two weeks. Moreover, that's the kind of pain that I generally experience - off and on - though more often on - day after day and year after year. Usually it's my left eye; today it's my right eye. Often my neck and jaw ache; my temples throb; sometimes I'm nauseous; and reading and/or using my computer almost always makes it worse. I seem to have developed a tolerance to my relief medication (Relpax), and my migraine 'prophylactic' medications (Topamax; Neurontin) have yet to yield any significant results. Thus, I go to sleep with pain; I awaken with pain; and I'm beginning to suspect that the whole ordeal is causing me to lose my slippery grip on reality.

Anyway, if any blog readers out there have been wondering why I haven't been posting, wonder no more. It's simply because I'm beginning to go insane.

700 Billion - I'm Loving It!

wow, this '700 billion dollars to bail out Wall street' thing is getting a lot of attention these days. And for what? So the government can step in and put down American tax money in exchange for... debt? I'm confused. I thought that generally when one made an exchange, the party with capital exchanged it for a commodity - lets say 'infrastructure' (high speed rail service would be nice). But in this particular case I'm not sure what's being purchased. Anyway...

I sure am skeptical when I start hearing about all of these big fancy numbers, with all their place-holding zeros and such. They think they're so quantitatively superior - all a politician has to do is mention something big like '700 billion' and the peon populous just sits back and lets the experts decide. As if our politicians are so brilliant that they have a handle on such an abstraction.

I mean, I don't even know how many zero's make up 700 billion (dollars), and I'm pretty sure my calculator doesn't know how to count that high either. Hence, you can imagine my lack of confidence in Bush & company - not to mention the democratic Congressional 'majority' - in deciding policy involving such a huge bailout. So I decided to Google the whopping digit in order to put things in perspective. This is what I found:

A billion seconds ago it was 1959.

A billion minutes ago Jesus was alive.

A billion hours ago our ancestors were living in the Stone Age.

A billion days ago no-one walked on the earth on two feet.

A billion dollars ago was only 8 hours and 20 minutes, at the rate our government is spending it.

$700 billion is $140 billion more than has been spent on the Iraq war since the invasion.

It is $120 billion more than that spent on social security benefits.

It is nine times the amount spent on education in 2007.

It could pay for 2,000 McDonalds apple pies for every single American.

It is 35 times the amount spent on all foreign aid in most years.

It is more zeros than the calculator that comes with my computer allows.

It is 7,000 times bigger than the Sierra club’s yearly budget.

According to some estimates, it is three times what it would cost, over 10 years, to reduce oil dependency by 20%.

Its over twice the amount of all money given to all charitable organizations in the United States in any given year.

It is more than $100 for every person in the world.

---

Now this one is my favorite: It could pay for 2,000 McDonalds apple pies for every single American. Assuming that an apple pie is $1, that's $2000 each of us is paying to bail out Wall Street, OR, rather than bail out Wall Street, the government could send us each a check for $2000. (I'm partial to option #2). But regardless of which option you prefer, doesn't something seem royally fucked up about this whole shit-storm of a political decision-making process? We're each paying $2000 to cover the mistakes of 1) greedy Wall Street fuckers who had to make more money on risky sub-prime mortgages and 2) lazy politician who didn't do their jobs and oversee the financial markets.

Well, it really doesn't seem like everyone should be responsible for cleaning up this mess, but only stupid capitalists who believed in deregulation and greed. So here's my plan: leftists who believe in fettered markets each get $2000 for being right, while asinine market-fetishizing capitalists can go ahead and pony up $4-6000 each to cover their own stupidity as well as the told-you-so tax that all of us socialist-liberals (who believe the human capacity for planning deserves more respect than blind market forces) are entitled to.

So, here's my final thought on this 700 Billion dollar bailout: all of you free-market ideologues can suck it. Obviously, your fundamental philosophy is fundamentally flawed. And guess what: I'm loving it.

a paw for a paw

I assume that by now everyone has heard of Sarah Palin's brave moose-killing exploits. In the pristine Alaskan wilderness, the hunting of moose and caribou is apparently quite common, helping to feed the local populations of both human and animal inhabitants. I can tell you from experience that moose is a pretty tasty treat: yum yum.

However, it has recently come to my attention that Governor Palin - probably acting under a mandate from above - has decided that wolves are enjoying too much of the killing action, depriving locals from some of their meaty bounty. Hence, the natural and native predators should be 'controlled'. And what better way to control them, but to fly through the air in a plane, shoot them, hack off one of their paws and bring it in for a $150.00 bounty to be paid by the state.

Now, admittedly I was a bit turned off when I first heard this story. After all, haven't predator and prey been living together in equilibrium for eons? Why must mankind - equipped with technological appendage - intervene? But after careful consideration I have decided that perhaps Palin's prescient plan presents a model we all should follow: if something we deem as 'bad' is maliciously taking something we consider 'good', not only should we destroy it, but we should be encouraged to do so (preferably via financial incentive). Well blog readers, here it comes....

...following Palin's model I hereby decree: republicans are taking all our 'good stuff' and must be dealt with accordingly.

Now, I realize that the thought of killing (quasi)innocent (semi)humans and lopping off one of their hands might sound unpleasant at first, but lets think this through. Sure, the initial act may be a bit grizzly, but after the dirty work is done, consider the surplus that can be divvied up! Sure, there will be material goods like cars and houses, but there will also be unnecessary white-collar jobs to be liquidated, foodstuffs to be distributed, extra clothes for those in need, and such scarce resources as limited health care facilities and educational opportunities can be directed towards those who really need them. And though those of us on the left rarely have airplanes by which to carry out this nefarious task, we do have the advantage of stealthy a) bicycles or b) hybrid cars. Those silly conservatives will never hear us coming!

On a pragmatic note, I can't offer such a lucrative bounty as Palin. But on the up side, after the deed is done there should be plenty for all. And consider how peaceful things will be once all those SUVs are off the streets the the McMansion McCropolis's have been converted back to wilderness preserves.

So fellow Comrades, Let the hunt begin!

you can read about Palin and wolf-genocide here:
http://www.salon.com/env/feature/2008/09/08/sarah_palin_wolves/

Barack Tease

Yesterday I posted a reminder regarding Obama's appearance on the O'Reilly Factor, and today I thought I'd offer a follow up for those of you who missed it:

Well, it was a total joke. Only a small portion of the complete interview was shown - the rest of which will air over three nights next week. Hence, I sat through about 45 minutes of crazy Bill ranting and raving before the 'interview' even began. So if you didn't watch it, you didn't miss much.

But if you're ever-curious and you do want to know what you missed, I transcribed the interview and posted it below. You can read it here:

*****

Bill: Senator, I'm going to take a very complex issue and reduce it to a yes or no question and then demand that you answer it in such a way that you 1) make republicans look awesome, or 2) make yourself look like a hypocrite.

Barack: OK, But I'm going to take your reductionist question and infuse it with nuance, reassemble the nexus of causality, and attempt to help people understand that issues are not simply black & white.

Bill: Fair enough, but while you try and talk, I'm going to start screaming: 'answer the questions senator! answer the question senator!'

Barack: Well, it is your show and I expected such behavior, but it probably won't help us to reach an understanding. It certainly won't help viewers at home to grasp the subtleties of geopolitics, international relations, and the historical chain of events...

Bill: *turning red* yes or no, senator! yes or no! everything is black and white, right and wrong, powerful conservative or pussy liberal

Barack: *smiling... tiny head with giant ears bobbing on thin neck* ...continues trying to explain complex, multidimensional issue...

Bill: *becoming hysterical; screaming now, mantra-like...* yes or no! yes or no!


repeat ad nauseam... more to come next week

*****

Caveat: it has occurred to me that my recent postings on Obama might be viewed as some sort of positive praise or excitement about Obama as the democratic nominee. Just for the record, I want to be clear that this is not the case.

Obama does O'Reilly

He's so Cute!

Just a heads up: Obama will appear on the O'Reilly Factor tonight at 8pm - an hour before McCain's acceptance speech. So for all you die-hard politicos, grab your favorite bottle of chardonnay and prepare to curl up for 2 hours of nail-biting excitement. What crazy hate-filled lies will O'Reilly spew forth? How nervous and fidgety will McCain be?

Metaphysical Awareness Month

The following question was posted in another blog I read, and I thought I would post it here as well: How are you celebrating Metaphysical Awareness Month?

I'm going celebrate by allowing my essence to precede my existence. (Usually I keep my essence bottled up, but this month I'm going to let it all hang out.)

What's your plan?

The Obama'rama

Well, it's official. Here is the endorsement you have all been waiting for: I have decided to fall into line with DNC mandates and support the cleanest and leanest candidate running for president, Barack Obama.

Yeah yeah, I still think Hillary got screwed and would have been the better choice. And yes, I still hold that Obama totally sucks for not picking Hillary as his VP (though he should never even have had the option as that he should have been Hillary's subordinate). But the prospect of 'president Palin' is simply too scary to leave up to fate. Had McCain chosen a different VP, I might have used my vote to protest the crappy two-party system - along with the de-mock-racy that it represents (yeeah, I did that... sorry). But alas, a choice between the lesser-of-two-evils strikes again.

All of Obama's accomplishments are in the future (I think that's from a David Brooks op/ed), while McCain already shows signs of senility. Great; two terrific options. So this November I will take a brief respite from my four years of slavery to help elect one of my two choices for new potential overlord.

I guess the upshot is that if Obama does win, there isn't a higher office for him to run for. Thus, he will actually finish his term(s).

I hope this post clears things up for those of you who have been 1)trying to convince me to vote for Obama, or 2)judging me critically because I'm not fully on board the Obama bandwagon.

too bad they're anarchists

As can be seen from the second photo, Republican convention attendees were caught tripping on some 'hocus-nozick' - a blend of lsd and extacy which comes dipped on 'stamps' cut from the pages of 'Anarchy State and Utopia'.

Convention confusion ensued when anarchist dissidents - after ingesting the drug and making snap judgments regarding Nozick's opus from the title - became angry after quickly assuming that their ideal (non)state had already come to fruition. Bitter that they had been left out, they demanded to be let in. Unfortunately, things went from bad to worse after Blackwater showed up (see picture one).

But really, Gustav coverage trumps political dissent. You can read about RNC protest here:



http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20080902/ap_on_el_pr/cvn_convention_protests
http://www.nornc.org/

Beat your swords, yo, it's Labor Day!

Greetings [imaginary] blog readers.

Unfortunately, there isn't much to celebrate this labor day. The US economy is in shambles; the world economy looks tumultuous; and overall, our nefarious enemy - Capital - maintains its ideological monopoly over most governmental leaders. (Alas, the only bright spot is that if McCain wins the general election come November, economic collapse is almost certain, and thus, a resulting communist utopia will be just around the bend).

So I thought I would share the latest Labor Scorecard compliments of Rutgers University:

Employment

• Today, more than 10 percent of Americans are unemployed, discouraged from seeking work, or underemployed, a nearly 25-percent increase (24.2 percent) from one year earlier.

• More than a half million Americans (530,000) have been subject to mass layoffs in the last year, a growth of nearly 5 percent, but a lower rate than five and 10 years ago.

• Over the last eight years, the percent of workers who are working part time who would prefer to be in full-time jobs has gone up over 72 percent.

• The percentage of Americans working more than 48 hours/week has been steadily declining, to the latest figure of 17.8 percent.

• Unemployment rates are highest for blacks and Hispanics/Latinos, and their increases in the past year have been greater than the increases for whites.

Earnings and Wealth

• Despite a significant increase in the Federal minimum wage that went into effect in 2008, it is still lower in real terms than a decade ago.

• The median weekly earnings for American workers have not grown in real terms over the last eight years.

• Pay inequality is high and continues to increase, while wealth inequality is high but fairly stable.

• Significant earnings disparities persist but have closed somewhat for women, blacks, and Hispanics/Latinos.

You can read the full article here: http://news.rutgers.edu/medrel/news-releases/2008/09/rutgers-labor-scorec-20080829

And for those of you who think Rutgers data is biased, it primarily comes from the Federal Bureau of Labor Statistics.

So Work, my beleaguered comrades! Roll up your sleeves, pull yourself up by your socks, and stop your whining. It's time to spend more time away from your loved ones, exert your energy for the benefit of some capitalist entrepreneur, and put your faith in the power of 'democracy' to make things better.

Enjoy your brief respite. Tomorrow it begins again.